We’ve all been there before. Staring at the sloth slow movements of your McDonald’s employee finding that Egg McMuffin you need to make your hangover go away. You want to reach out and choke somebody, something, make my fast food go faster!

Unfortunately, outside of Purge night, you’re not allowed to beat your restaurant servers for slow service. You can withhold a tip. Perhaps write something smarmy and embarrassing on the receipt. But no gathering of your two mom friends to circle the McDonald’s employee after her shift in the parking lot for a beat down. “Look who’s slow with my McChicken sandwich now, bitch!”

Mary Jordan: been there, done that.
Mary Jordan: been there, done that.

Mary Jordan seems to be filled with bad idea. She is all of thirty-three and the punching mom ringleader. You can tell from her cavalier mug shot photo that she’s been there before. She has. Jordan previously served 20 months for forgery. Who commits forgery? Bad checks are so last year, mom. Or so last two years ago in Mary Jordan’s case.

Joining Mary in her gang tackle of the slow McDonald’s employee were Ashley England and Sammie Whaley, all of Sandusky, Ohio. All three moms. All three charged with both assault and child endangerment since you’re not allowed to kick McDonald’s employees in front of your small children. Chipotle, maybe, if they served you the bad carnitas.

Ask yourself this: how has it gone being Marry's friend?
Ask yourself this: how has it gone being Marry’s friend?

Mary Jordan is expected to receive jail time for her participation. She’s clearly violated the terms of her forgery probation. Her mommy friends likely to receive fat less as they were mostly watching. When your check kiting friend just out of state prison says it’s time to teach somebody a lesson, always take three steps back to avoid co-conspiracy charges. Entertainment options are limited in Sandusky. If you omit the Cedar Point Amusement Park around the corner with some of the finest rides in the world. Roller coasters may not be your thing, but riding them won’t get you arrested. Or make you a truly horrible mother.