Allison Marchese seemed way too young for a midlife crisis.

Not the Yearbook advisor! No! As if the profile of female teachers going down, literally and figuratively, on their high school aged boy student couldn’t get any more cliche. Allison Marchese taught English at Daniel Hand High School in Madison, Connecticut until the time she was busted for locking the door to her classroom with a seventeen year old from the varsity football team inside. Oral sex ensued. Ironically, the door locking part would be used against Marchese in court as a count of essentially imprisonment. You can’t help but feel that’s a stretch. Ask the boy leaning against the desk while Ms. Marchese went down on him if he felt trapped up against his will? Technically, you’re not allowed to ask him to comment.

Adding to the portrait of the modern American education system and the horny crazy female teacher’s role in it, Marchese attempted to seduce another boy at the school into her oral clutches. She texted him repeatedly with advances, including a photo of herself in a thong. I can’t believe I did K-12 without ever seeing one of my teachers in merely a thong. Talk about feeling cheated.

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Marchese’s husband is also an English teacher at the same school. You have to imagine this isn’t awkward for him in any way. Or her two small children who are now seeing mom copping a plea deal for three to four years in prison, a sex offender registration, and potentially being deported to her native nation of Canada after her incarceration. Try explaining to the kids why you’re moving to Nova Scotia because mommy loved herself some underaged man meat. Maybe substitute “we’ve always wanted to live in the super cold”.

Connecticut doesn’t mess around with their handling of teachers having sex with students, especially those not yet eighteen. Marchese had been facing up to life in prison and a complete confiscation of all of her cougar porn which you have to believe she keeps secret from her husband somewhere on a hard drive. Still, three years in state prison for a hummer of a person probably bigger than yourself, albeit only seventeen, seems somewhat excessive. Never should’ve locked the door. A couple states southward and you could’ve charged admission and been fine.

Ah, love is in the air. What’s a woman to do?