Monday, March 18, 2019
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I have trouble sleeping which I’m told is common for people like me. I keep a journal but its mostly pictures I can share with you sometime maybe. Sometimes I write poems in the middle of the night when i’m thinking about things I regret or if I left stuff out in the kitchen because I get ants.

Can not breathe.
I guess I could sleep some.
Will the trees give me away?
They used to be my friends.
Hush whisper don’t speak.
The trees are listening.
I have things in my eyes that burn.
Sparks. Screams. Custard.
And then nothing.

I know it’s probably not as good as people who poets for a living but I do this when i’m trying to remove stains or at work. I really like how it makes me feel. I hope you like it too. Crackers!

Gwyneth paltrow isn’t like me

I read all that stuff about what Gwyneth Paltrow said about the president when he was at her house. Its really sick. I don’t mind Obama even though I’d never vote for a black guy for president because of you know why. But you can’t tell people you want to have sex with him in front of celebrities like Julia Roberts and that guy who thinks he’s hot shit. I don’t know if Nancy Reagan was there but I’m sure she was like what the hell is this going on in my home. Not my home but the place where the party was. I don’t like to use the word whore because its a label but Gwyneth Paltrow is a total whore. She reminds me so much of my friend Nancee who I thought was my friend until she decided she was too good for me. Some people truly suck like Gwyneth Paltrow. Michelle Obama will probably find out and stab her prison style.

Mean me sometimes comes around. I’m really much sweeter than this.

I got hacked and I know who the hackers are

Its a long story I don’t want to get into but just for a bit. Somebody got all my cell phone pictures including some that were very private just like happened to those other celebrities. They were meant for Stephen who is away a lot and misses me or did when we were going out that month. Then my friend I dont want to say her name told me she was out with Stephen’s friend not long ago and she had a chance to go through his phone and she saw gross pictures of me doing gross things. This guy is like a hacker and got all my grown up pictures. I don’t know if he’s the same guy who got Kate Upton and Michelle Obama pictures with junk on them, but he probably is. I don’t want to get the police involved because of stuff.

why are men so gross? Even the smart ones who can invade other peoples phones just by typing a couple letters.

Being arrested is no fun

I went to a mexican psychic because she’s cheaper than the ones who speak proper. I think she told me that Im the kind of person who will get shit for things I don’t even do. Obviously. This weekend I got in trouble for something my friend Kathy’s friend did when we were out. I don’t even know this girl. Kathy isn’t really even my friend either. she’s someone I talk to and share things with like my past and how to make homemade cleanrer. I’m glad nobody in the news found out. They are all jerks and would say I was the one was holding the thing when I clearly wasn’t and I’d be on tMZ. I just want a cocktail for fucks sake. sorry.  I don’t ever want to go to prison or be stuck in Canada. The food is gross.

I did take a picture of my cat. he’s not really mine, he belongs to my neighbor but I pretend he’s mine and feed him and tell him he should runaway and live with me. I call him Mr. Run Run but his real name is something else boring

Adrian peterson is a jack ass

I actually watch football so I know who Adrian Peterson is. He’s the jerk who thinks its okay to hit your kid with a tree because his dad hit him with a tree and haha that’s funny. This guy has like ten kids from women all over and he thinks its okay to hit one of them he barely even knows. Only a real parent knows what is best for their kid. I’m sorry to all women like Obama’s wife who mix their boyfriend sperm and eggs inside other women to make a fake baby but you don’t know either. Oh hi dad I don’t really know why are you hitting me with a tree so you can go out dancing. That’s messed up. I hope they execute him so he can know what it feels like.

I miss my Charlie.

Is it too much to ask for a man

Where have all the cowboys gone. There are lots of good men out there if I wanted. I do some times. Lots of women hate me just because of the looks I was born with which wasn’t anything I ever asked for. So many women have been in rape and not all of it has been them agreeing to it. It’s really hard I know. It’s nice to be held when you cry even by somebody like John who isn’t super nice after he’s been drinking. I need a cowboy or a man who smells like wood. I’m very into smells. Like scents and perfume and I like the smell of chocolate and purple. Hey guys I know how to cook. Pick me! Crackers!

iggy azalea sex tape

Here’s to repeat about iggy azalea. Something you should know. She’s not even American. She’s from Austria and now she wants us to do something about it because she let her boyfriend make a tape of them having sex. Oh, by the way her boyfriend is a rapper which is raper except for one letter different. Also, her songs all about sex and shopping for hats.

To summarize, Iggy Azalea is not from here, she had sex with a rapper who said why don’t we film this, and she’s Austrian. You have no rights here if you’re not legal. I’m sorry you made a mistake. People have to live with mistakes. You live with yours. If I have one, I’ll live with that. Then go back to your country and deal with this yourself. I guess that’s harsh. I like most people.


That’s my new motto. Its so easy to think about bad things that you or somebody who isn’t you did in the past and then not do anything fun because of it. Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So you can either sit around moaning about this or that or I wish I had done things differently or you can do something to make your future better like buy a bread machine or make stuffed animals for kids in Mexico. You’re Only Losing Out.

Here’s what I had for lunch. Its not what you think. It’s soup. YOLO!

kill the beheaders

Yesterday I read on a newspaper that Obama didn’t know what to do with the beaheaders. Behead them. That seems real simple. If they’re dead they can’t do stuff to us anymore like kill us or make us eat lamb. What else could it be. Bake them a cake and pretend to be their girlfriends? I thought of this in five minutes, why does the president need a week?

Did you know there has never been a President from Florida? That’s a true fact. Save the kids Obama. That’s your job.

yes I just slept for two days

Some times I just think I’m going to take a ten minute nap and then I wake up lots of hours later in a new place. Like my friend Jody’s house or the gymboree in the outdoor mall. I feel like a baby because that’s what babies do. One time this was for three whole days and I was in a different city. The doctor said there’s nothing wrong with me it’s just I don’t have that much to do. I could be perfect for a trip into space where everybody needs to sleep so they don’t get old before they get to Mars. One minute i’m in a nightclub with my cool blond wig and the next i’m on Mars. That could happen in 2014. Totally crackers.

This is the famous gorilla who talks by smearing her poo in letters. This is like a boy she raised who came back to see her. Its sad because I think she just died and animals don’t go to heaven.

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