Among the sentences you’ve never heard uttered before, “Lori Loughlin is crazy smart”. Maybe crazy cute, crazy great on that Full House show, or merely plain crazy. Never crazy smart.
This fact might explain why Lori Loughlin was arrested in a widespread college admissions bribery conspiracy in which she and her husband, the guy who founded the Mossimo clothing line at Target, spent $500,000 to unlawfully scheme their two Instagram influencer teen daughters into USC.
That would be University of Southern California, the tied for 22nd ranked university in the nation. For which you will now pay another $250,000 per child to matriculate. That’s a one million dollar tab for two USC degrees, if the girls make it that far.
Lori Loughlin Busted Along With Other Rich California Moms
To be fair, many of these college admissions crazed parents arrested in the U.S. Justice Department sting were looking at entry into schools like Yale and Stanford for their children. The elite of the elite. Or even other top 10 rank schools. (But tied for 22nd?)
Felicity Huffman of Desperate Housewives fame, and married to William H. Macy fame, was also indicted in this sting operation The Feds codenamed, Varsity Blues. She allegedly paid the mastermind middle man of this broad conspiracy, William “Rick” Singer, $15,000 to “purchase” artificially adjusted scores for her daughter on the SATs. That bumped her from a 1020 to a 1420. At least she got her money’s worth.
Jane Buckingham, a Hollywood digital marketing guru of sorts, and regular contributor to the HuffPost and Cosmopolitan, allegedly paid Singer to get her son a 34 on the ACT. If you don’t know ACT scores, that’s super tight. She’s on Justice Department tapped lines sending Singer examples of her son’s lousy handwriting so the professional ringer taking his test for him can mimic his penmanship in the written essay portion of the ACT.
Numerous other wealthy moms dotting the money havens of Coastal California were arrested as well. Some using Singer’s system where he had bribed sports coaches at some of these colleges to attest to the athletic prowess of his paid client’s kids. This despite many of them never even being involved in the sport where the coaches affirmed they would help the school in coming years.
“Rick” Singer Had a Very Rick Kind of Plan
Singer staged athletic photoshoots to provide evidence. When that wasn’t possible, he Photoshopped heads of these client kids onto the bodies of other athletes in photos. Seems amateurish. Apparently it worked.
All in all, these wealthy college admissions cheating moms kicked Singer $25 million in cash he turned around into bribes and chicanery to provide entrance to elite colleges for his clients (plus USC, tied for 22nd, mind you).
The real trouble for these progressive rich celebrities and aristocrats may not be the actual bribery and corruption aspect of the case. As part of his criminal ruse, Singer set up a fake charity to receive the cash payments from the parents to hide suspicion. And herein comes the IRS.
These were large cash transfers to a bogus charity for which it appears several of the corrupt parents may have listed as charitable deductions on their taxes. That’s a big tax evasion bonkers no-no. It’s a tax crime through and through. That’s where you may see jail time coming even for these financially strapped woke mofos.
Varsity Blues, the Takeaway
What’s to be learned from this entire massive bust? For one, upscale California moms are nuts. That’s not an opinion. Between bribing college entrance decision makers and taking strong anti-vaccination stands; these women are going to take out a lot of people.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, rich people spouting righteous moral virtue are the most likely to be pulling insider privileged, first among equals type underhanded behavior. Another fact.
Self-serving greedy bastards don’t all look like Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life. They’re not all corpulent bankers with evil grins foreclosing on hardworking folks’ mortgages. Sometimes, they’re yoga practicing L.A. or S.F. moms who speak out on all the right causes, attend all the right galas, and cry when Captain Marvel does well at the box office.