A half-dozen Zumba aerobics dance class instructors were arrested in Iran for spreading the heresy of Western style dance. The massively popular dance-workout to music regimen comes from Colombia, so not The Great Satan, but definitely the Western hemisphere.

While the world could probably do without Zumba, the women in particular flock to the music and dance and health benefits of wigging out to Shakira. Certainly it’s hard to imagine a relatively modern nation in 2017 arresting those who dare run aerobics classes. But then you don’t really know what life is like inside Iran.

A Revolutionary Guard commander explained the need for the crackdown:

“The members of a network teaching and filming Western dances have been identified and arrested. Their crime was seeking to “change lifestyles and promote a lack of hijab. The promotion and teaching of dancing in the name of sport in women’s gyms is a serious issue.”

The man in the sky says so. More importantly, the man with the beard who tells everybody what the man in the sky says, and will murder you by flaming tire if you dare to disagree.

In Iran, women are not allowed to dance, even in front of other women. Only in front of family members at appropriate occasions, and never to a decent beat.

An Iranian cleric thoughtfully explained how music and dance are haram, or bad joujou in Islam. So anything related to the production of music and dance, like renting a studio, opening a class, even chopping the wood to make the musical instruments to make the music  that will be played in the Zumba studio is haram. That’s a shit ton of haram adjacent crimes.

Two years ago a bunch of young Iranians made a YouTube video of themselves dancing to Pharrell Williams’ Happy and were subsequently order to undergo 91 lashes. Islam is the religions of peace. Also, peace and quiet. A good whipping will keep those teens from spreading joy.