Shoplifting requires a certain amount of finesse. You’ve got to secret the item away without anyone seeing, and you have to make it completely out of the store without arousing any suspicion. Some items seem pretty hard to steal, fixed with sensors that sound an alarm should you attempt to remove them without purchase. Frankly, shoplifting seems pretty hard, which is possibly why I’ve never tried it. But I know that if I did give it a go, I would be better at it than Sierra Coleman.

Sierra Coleman, 28, was arrested for her alleged attempt to steal a frying pan from a St. Louis IKEA store on December 30. Video of the incident shows Coleman being confronted by loss prevention officers with what appears to be a skillet sticking out of her form-fitting leggings. It is not sneaky. Her gray pants are very, very tight. The pan appears to be wedged between her butt and the pants. When an employee points out that she very clearly has IKEA property in her pants, she shouts, “It’s a misdemeanor! Only $30!”

 

The employees are not keen on the woman recording the incident pointing her phone at them, although the woman being accused of stealing the pan seems grateful as she talks to the camera about how she is pregnant and the loss prevention officer is improperly restraining her with her hands behind her back. And frankly, we’re also very grateful this hero recorded this very significant event proving that we, as a species, are useless.

At some point, the pan falls out of Coleman’s pants and clatters to the pavement. Perhaps it’s now on sale for a considerable discount.

Police must have later arrested Coleman, as she’s since been charged with misdemeanor theft (she was right!) and misdemeanor assault. Police say that employees saw Coleman try to walk out of the store with bed sheets that she did not pay for, and that she bit the arm of a security officer who tried to stop her. Their reports did not indicate at what point the frying pan found its way into her pants.