I will never judge another living soul based on how they choose to spend their downtime. Except in the case of watching the Real Housewives of Any City programs on Bravo. You deserve nothing but shame. Tantamount perhaps to men who watch cockfighting matches. Do you know any men who watch cockfighting? If you do, it’s your obligation to tell them tsk-tsk.

Shows about drunk middle-aged women with tons of plastic surgery where nobody dies or seems even to have sex is inherently uninteresting. Once in a while, a little real scandal breaks from these otherwise trite and over-staged productions that merits some public consideration. At least when bare breasts and the FBI are involved.

As the story goes, the ladies of the show were being filmed on some trumped up activity in Ireland, when one of the wives Facetimed her plastic surgeon husband back in the blessed U.S. Because show producers urge the inebriated moms to do something the least bit interesting on camera, cranky crone Vicki Gunvalson flashed her bare tits to the surgeon on the other end, under the guise of asking for advice on her own implants. They all have them.

Tamra Judge, another one of the near fifty year old lushes, snapped a photo of Gunvalson’s bare breasts. Somehow an uncensored version of the photo ended up in the hands of a fifteen-year old girl who Tweeted it out uncensored. That rang the claxons of child porn hysteria. Now the FBI is investigating because they’ve already finished all their other more important work.

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Judge claims she has no idea how the teen got a copy of the topless photo of her cast-mate. While others, likely show producers drumming up controversy, are reporting that Judge passed the photo off to the teen and asked her to use it to embarrass her show rival on social media. You know how embarrassed older women get when people pass around pictures of their perfectly sculpted new breasts that they previously already flashed to their friend, production crew, and camera men without hesitancy.

The truth of the matter as always lies somewhere in the middle. Right next to ‘Who gives a shit?” and “How long until we get to see the photos uncensored?” Definitely an emphasis on the latter. Either way, it’s good to know our teen children are being kept away from random nudes on the Internet. It seems safe now. You can remove that browser block on their computers. Just kidding, they figured out a workaround years ago.