There’s a good chance most people have spent at least some time behind the wheel of a car while at least somewhat intoxicated. This is precisely why nobody under 30 should have a driver’s license. Though in this country probably even driverless cars will get loaded. It’s something of a national pastime. Which doesn’t in the least make it right. Walk drunk. You’re less likely to kill children by bumping into them with your wobbly knees.

While driving drunk, you’re not likely to be in your right mind, though worth considering ahead of time three things not to do if you want to get away with your crime. First, don’t text your boyfriend “I’m so drunk” while driving drunk. Second, don’t text at all when driving drunk thereby swerving over the center divider and nearly driving a police car off the road. Finally, once you’ve committed the first two sins, don’t speed up to try and get away. You won’t. But you will piss the hell out of the police.

Mikayla Miller of Cross Lanes, WV managed the trifecta. Once apprehended, cops noticed the young woman had glassy red eyes and smelled of alcohol. Also, that text about being “so drunk” is going to get even the most aggressive DUI defense attorney to refuse your case.

Consider this one of those warning signs from God. Mostly that he didn’t let you kill anybody with your car, let alone yourself flying into a ditch. Uber might be a tough get in rural West Virginia. But sleeping one out in your car never goes out of style. Don’t ever assume your boyfriend or kid wants to see you that badly.

Photo credit: Mikayla Miller / Facebook

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