You don’t get to be a mum who still nurses her five year old triplets daily without a lengthy list of rationalizations in your wake. Davina Wright claims her philosophy on child rearing dictates that the children wean when they’re ready to wean. It’s unclear if she follows the same self-regulatory principle for her kindergarten aged kids as it relates to taking the car out or using the immersion blender. Wright insists she’d love to stop being the family cow, if only those damn kids would stop wanting to suck on her breasts every time she doesn’t feed them solid food for nineteen hours straight and screams out “milk party!”.

It’s like dealing with a bunch of [zombies] when they just keep coming at me, pulling at my clothes, trying to get my boobs out and just not listening to my “no”. It can be quite upsetting to not feel ‘heard’ by your own children in this situation. But they love it so much, truly they do. They are at times obsessed with “numnees” and let me know.

I don’t want to be an alarmist, but you’re describing rape. There probably aren’t shelters for this. Breastfeeding advocates love to argue this type of nursing scenario is extremely natural, even though they can’t point to anybody else in the entire first world doing the same.

In the very least don’t demand your husband tell you the truth about where he’s really going on bowling night. The notion that men will fuck anything is only almost correct. Your “numnees” look like they’re ready to be pinned for dissection display in the classroom. There’s no way these girls don’t grow up to be professional golfers.