You know the crazy kids and their Internet memes. One in ten thousand merits review by anybody over twenty-one with a passably sentient brain. That would have to include the young women of China who started spreading selfies of their “heart-shaped boob challenge” on their nation’s version of Twitter, Weibo. Twitter of course being too dangerous a worldwide application to be allowed within China. Similar to Facebook, and anything to do with sex or fun or Western ideas.

Nevertheless, restrict all you want, as we learned from bad movies as way back as the 30’s, the kids are going to find a way to party. Or squeeze their breasts into heart shapes and post selfies to the raging meme on Weibo.

China doesn’t play the same Internet game as even our net neutral folks here in the West. They will shut shit down under the guise of pornography even by a definition that would seem rigid to our conservative parents. Hence, they started censoring the heart boobs but quick after a couple million views got word back to HQ that this trend might really be trending and threatening the existence of obedient factory workers. Somebody needs to make the new iPhones. That can’t happen if the teens are obsessed with posting squeezed-tit selfies.

The lesson learned here is, become a Chinese exchange student as fast as humanly possible. How can you go through your college years without stupid, unnecessarily drunk and sexualized photos of yourself without your top on? Imagine the horror of applying for a job one day, let alone running for public office, and nobody can find a single embarrassing photo of you on the web. I wouldn’t trust that person. Somewhere between ten and twenty such photos seems about right. A thousand might hint at an excessively debauched life.

China, you were Internet cool for about a week. In fifty years at the Central Committee old folks home you’ll have something to reminisce about.