After delving into about a hundred of these cases now, it’s fair to say ninety-percent of these illicit teacher-student sexual and romantic interludes could be prevented if parents checked their kids texts and social media accounts in the evening while they slumber. If you tell them you’re checking ahead of time, like they advise in Lifetime PSAs, they’re going to work around you pretty easily. But a random bunk inspection of communication devices would lead you to discovering those overly friendly if not entirely naked comments and photos exchanged between your kids and their lascivious minded teachers. I’m not advocating for a totalitarian state at home, though I’m not advocating against it. It really mostly depends how badly you don’t want to be in the news when the scandal eventually breaks.

Camryn Zelinger, a female teacher at the Encore High School for the Arts in Southern California, was arrested when texts between herself and an underaged female student were discovered. While the police are not citing the specifics of the charges, they have noted that a multi-month physical relationship existed beyond merely the loving texts.

The girl in question was fourteen years of age, so right there in the oogie-shudder window as far as child predators are concerned. Zelinger is thirty-two. This in no way resembles an earnest relationship among even close to equals, though try explaining that to a fourteen year old girl. You can’t. Which is why this is a crime.

Camryn Zelinger in happier times as seen in her Facebook photos.

Zelinger was promptly fired from the school which will never admit that schools for the arts have ten times the lesbian population as general education schools. Also, weirder teachers. We’ve seen a ton of female teacher and teen boy students relationships at your run of the mill public schools across the nation. The lesbian predatory relationships do seem to be focused on the private and specialty schools. This conclusion is entirely anecdotal, until such time as I receive my cushy federal grant to research further.

Fitting the more typical pattern, Zelinger was recently married, to a man, and seemingly the spitting image of perfectly normal wife and teacher. Perhaps that’s what’s most sinister about these particular crimes. Everybody gets nervous when they can’t easily pick out the criminal element in their environment. This isn’t a rough looking dude with a bandana and his pants around his knees. Just an inspiring art teacher. Whoa. Check those texts, parents.