Elizabeth Holmes Trial Pushed Way Into the Future

using viagra casually There’s only one color that matters in this country — green. I’m sure if that’s completely true, but I always wanted to put it in writing.

Elizabeth Holmes, the allegedly incredibly crazy-corrupt former magical Founder of Theranos, was indicted a year ago now on multiple wire fraud counts related to making a super fake blood testing company and bilking the hell out of investors, not to mention numerous doctors and a few test patients.

Holmes, who has crazy written all over her junior Renee Zellweger face, dropped out of Stanford at 19 to found this amazing new blood testing tech company. If you haven’t memorized the blood testing market dollar figures, it’s an over $50 billion a year business each year. Blood testing is big business in modern healthcare.

But weeks before her outing in the WSJ, media outlets turned Holmes
into a Bill Gates meets Steve Jobs Silicon Valley visionary.

Holmes claimed, and sold investors over the years, on the fact that she had developed a technology that could run any number of advanced blood results from small droplets of easily collected blood. Imagine not having to go to the doctor or hospital, rolling up the sleeve, being stuck with a big needle, extracting vials of your blood, and waiting days for results. Now, you’ve got a finger prick and a print out appears with all of your problems. Yeah, that sounds like bank.

Holmes raised over $700 million through the years in investments from some major Silicon Valley players. Theranos at one time was valued at $9 billion. Then some dude from the Wall Street Journal got a hunch or a tip or a whiff of fraud and set about to investigate if Theranos technology was as advertised. It wasn’t. At all. Not even close. He published a scathing article in 2015, followed by a book, exposing Holmes as a snake-oil saleswoman of the highest order.

Elizabeth Holmes, crazy early 30’s Silicon Valley success, was often featured
in magazines such as Fortune as the future of American business.

Investigations followed. Holmes has protested her innocence from the beginning and calls all the hubbub a witch hunt response to a biased reporter’s shoddy tale. But, she had a hard time selling that, so she had to leave Theranos which promptly completely shut down shortly thereafter.

Holmes was indicted in 2018. And worse, she got a Netflix documentary with a Jennifer Lawerence biopic movie coming next. Uncomfortable. Though Lawrence is your better looking double.

The judge this week decided that the Holmes case is so complicated, they won’t even begin jury selection for another 13 months. So, Holmes gets a couple of years plus of bonded freedom while waiting for this forever trial. Maybe that’s fair. Maybe it’s not. I know poor dudes from the wrong side of the tracks don’t get two years to mess around on vacation while their weed selling charges are pending.

It’s hard to imagine Elizabeth Holmes in a prison jumpsuit. Which is why I always go with nude in the prison showers trying to sell her next big product to a gang of hangry lesbians. Yummy.

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