What’s a poor substitute teacher to do when her high school students starts leaving her love messages in Post-It notes on her desk. There’s always the “ignore”. Or the “This isn’t appropriate, Johnny”. Or door number three, take Johnny to the park every afternoon for sex in your car. If anything, teacher Mary Beth Haglin is guilty of choosing the wrong door.

Cedar Rapids high school sub Mary Beth Haglin claimed two components to her not guilty plea of banging a seventeen year old student of hers for six months straight. First, he came onto her and pushed the relationship. Google yourself a statutory rape case and eyeball the success record on that plank. Second, Haglin claims that while perhaps a tad bit inappropriate, her relationship was fully known to her employers, including the school principal who wrote her a recommendation letter in the midst of an internal investigation into her riding her young boyfriend in the park. That same principal quietly retired from the school recently and left no forwarding address. Dr. Ralph Plagman. Go figure.

Once again, teacher-student love, the emotionally disturbed female teacher and lucky bastard male student kind, and therefore discretionarily approved by a virtual all-male jury, must be punished by the Council of Elders from Footloose. Grumpy people who hate sex and can’t fathom a seventeen year old boy’s dick wishes coming true. If anybody ought be going to jail, it’s the student who went to the authorities after seeing his classmate fucking the hot sub. There’s a word for meddling boys like that, but that word is so evil, it can not be spoken aloud in any human tongue.

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